Fallen
by kit yang
Summary: Ryo rejects Dee, only to regret his decision.
1. Chapter One: Fallen

Disclaimer:   
  
I do NOT own FAKE...which is sad because Dee and Ryo are already owned by the great Sanami Matoh...although I wouldn't mind if she'd let me have a go at 'em! *^-^*  
  
I do not own these lyrics either!  
  
  
  
  
  
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Fallen  
  
by: Kit_Yang  
  
PROLOGUE:  
  
"I appreciate you offering but I'm afraid I have to decline", replied a hesitant Ryo. He was both afraid and determined to tell his hot headed partner just how he felt. After all, he thought about this exact moment for the longest time.  
  
"What?...why?...I love you and you love me...that's all that matters, right?" Dee asked desperately. He had hoped Ryo would be happy and accept, but he thought wrong as he put away his present.  
  
Breathing deeply, Ryo found his courage once again and answered,"That's the thing Dee...YOU may love me as more than a friend but I....I...I don't....I'm not like that...I want a wife...and kids...I want a home where I can come to and-"  
  
"I CAN give you a home and we can adopt as many kids as you want!" Dee explained as he grabbed Ryo by the shoulders,"Please, don't do this to me, do you know what you are doing?...You're telling me you don't want a life with me....is that what you really want?"  
  
Unable to look Dee in the eyes, Ryo simply mumbled a "yes".  
  
Torn apart by rejection, Dee shouted, "You're lying!...who put you up to this? Bikky? Elena?"  
  
"NO ONE!" shouted the blonde detective, who was at the point of breaking down. "This is my decision and mine alone, so please respect me..."  
  
"Have I done something wrong? Was I too selfish? If I was I'm sorry! I just love you too damn much!" cried the dark hair man.  
  
"Dee please! It's nothing like that" Ryo said with a sob.  
  
"What about these past two years? Did I not mean anything to you at all?...Have I not proved my love for you countless of times?"  
  
"Of course you have" Ryo said quietly,"Nothing's wrong with you...it's me...Dee, I'm happy you gave me your love unconditionally...but I don't think I'll be able to return it the way you want me to..."  
  
"So this is it?....it's over, just like that?" Dee said emotionally as he caressed Ryo's face for one last time.  
  
"I guess so...."  
  
With tears flowing down his face, Dee released his hold on Ryo and turned away. Heading to the door, Dee paused to pull himself together, but collapsed when he heard that sweet voice that always invaded his mind.  
  
It asked,"We could still be friends, right?"  
  
Unable to control the pain in his heart, Dee nodded his head and answered,"Yeah....whatever you say...partner..." and headed out the door, away from the man he loved.  
  
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/Heaven bent to take my hand  
  
And lead me through the fire  
  
Be the long awaited answer  
  
To a long and painful fight/  
  
Night swallowed New York City quickly as the sun slumbered while the moon awoke. The only light visible came from the lonely apartment of NYPD's 27th Precinct's Randy "Ryo" McLean. After the departure of his heart broken partner, the blonde laid his head back against his apartment door. Tears of sorrow threatened to fall as the detective tried his best to compose himself. To no avail, his defense crumbled, causing his tears to drop as he fell upon his knees, crying his heart out. Standing in the doorway of his room and witnessing everything, a blue-eyed blonde boy bent to comfort the crying man, calling him ten times a fool.  
  
/Truth be told I've tried my best  
  
But somewhere along the way  
  
I got caught up in all there was to offer  
  
And the cost was so much more than I could bear/  
  
Meanwhile, the busy streets of this beloved city became less crowded, as the hour grew late. Dee Laytner trudged along the sidewalks, bumping into numerous people without so much as an apology. After being rejected by the only man he loved, the raven haired man thought he would die from the grief that now filled his empty heart. Unable to suffer the pain anymore, the heart broken detective went to find the only person he knew who would love and return his love unconditionally.  
  
/Though I've tried, I've fallen...  
  
I have sunk so low  
  
I have messed up  
  
Better I should know  
  
So don't come round here  
  
And tell me I told you so.../  
  
Finally, after hours of wandering the now empty streets of New York, Dee stumbled upon his childhood home and fell into the arms of his beloved "mother". Surprised at the unexpected visit, mother took her "son" into her arms, listening to his heart wrenching story. Hearing the anguish in Dee's voice, mother wrapped her tiny arms around Dee and held him in a tight hug. As if shielding him from all the pain, mother cried along with Dee, sharing his pain.  
  
/We all begin with good intent  
  
Love was raw and young  
  
We believed that we could change ourselves  
  
The past could be undone/  
  
Sitting in his dim litted room with a cup of tea, Ryo sat on his bed and looked out the window, watching as the traffic went by. After Bikky helped him pull himself together, Ryo took a shower hoping it would help refresh his mind and body. Looking at the clock, he noticed it was already eleven pm. 'How time flies when you're thinking'thought Ryo as he remembered the event with Dee earlier. Letting his thoughts wander to his partner, Ryo became concerned for Dee.'Is Dee alright? was I too harsh?...maybe I should call him' he thought.   
  
/But we carry on our backs the burden  
  
Time always reveals  
  
The lonely light of morning  
  
And the wound that would not heal  
  
It's the bitter taste of losing everything  
  
That I have held so dear./  
  
Picking up the phone, Ryo called Dee's cell phone but to his disappointment, it was turned off. He then decided to call Dee's home phone, hoping the raven hair man would be in. After the fourth ring, the machine picked up. To his heart's dismay, Ryo heard Dee's beloved voice, only to bring forth tears to his eyes once more.  
  
/I've fallen...  
  
I have sunk so low  
  
I have messed up  
  
Better I should know  
  
So don't come round here  
  
And tell me I told you so.../  
  
"Sorry! I'm busy right now trying to get into Ryo's pa--"  
  
"Dee!"  
  
"OW! Ryo, you didn't have to hit me that hard!"  
  
"BAKA!"  
  
"I was only JOKING! Anyway, leave a message!" *BEEP*  
  
/Heaven bent to take my hand  
  
Nowhere left to turn  
  
I'm lost to those I thought were friends  
  
To everyone I know/  
  
Alone in his dark apartment, Dee sat against the arm of the couch, counting the minutes as they rolled by. Upon hearing the message, tears caressed his cheeks as they descended down his cheeks. He stared at his watch only to find it was just turning eleven pm. 'Why won't the pain go away?' the sad man thought to himself. With a need to distract himself, Dee pulled a cigarette from the carton and put one to his mouth. After lighting it and inhaling the sweet nicotine that soon filled his lungs, Dee's thoughts drifted to his first memories of Ryo.   
  
\Oh they turned their heads embarassed  
  
Pretend that they don't see  
  
But it's one missed step  
  
You'll slip before you know it  
  
And there doesn't seem a way to be redeemed/  
  
He remembered the time he first met Ryo and the conversation that followed:  
  
"Hey, you got some Japanese in you or something?"  
  
"Ur...Urmmm...yeah. Actually I do."  
  
"Ryo, huh? So, would you take offense to me calling you Ryo from now on?"  
  
"N...No...it wouldn't offend me...it's just..."  
  
"Then Ryo it is. I'm gonna call you Ryo..."  
  
Oh how these bittersweet memories were slowing killing him in the inside. As tears continued to flow, so did memories of their first kiss, the vacation in England, the time Ryo caught a fever, and the first time Ryo hinted he liked Dee...even a little.  
  
After getting shot and a bomb going off in his direction, Dee sat quietly hoping someone would come to his aid. Upon hearing a noise, Dee called out only to be greeted by a vision that haunted him every day and night. Seeing the worried look mar his partner's beautiful face, Dee slapped on a grin only to see a frantic Ryo. Throwing his arms around Dee and locking him into a tight embrace, Ryo kissed Dee with all his heart.  
  
"You said for me to just wait there so I...I don't ever want to feel this way again."  
  
Hearing those words brought joy to his heart then, making him feel as if he was the luckiest man on earth. But now, as he recalled those exact words, they stabbed him in the heart, slowing killing him.  
  
/Though I've tried, I've fallen...  
  
I have sunk so low  
  
I have messed up  
  
Better I should know  
  
So don't come round here  
  
And tell me I told you so.../  
  
Turning off all the lights, Ryo hugged his pillow to him and tried to sleep. After hearing the message on Dee's machine, the blonde man was too emotional to leave a message. He remembered Dee had just bought the machine because he was tired of everyone leaving crap on his cell phone. The man was so happy he wanted to record the perfect message. Ryo was in the middle of cooking when he heard Dee make that unspeakable remark. As Dee was about to finish his sentence about getting into his pants, the blonde man whacked Dee on the side of his head as a warning. The two then started bickering while the voicemail recorded. Dee thought it turned out perfect, like them. Unable to control his emotions, the blonde hair man broke down and started to cry once more, for he knew he made a mistake. How could he ever think he could become normal by driving Dee away, when all he wanted was to love Dee and be loved in return?  
  
Back at the apartment, Dee sat still with a bottle of beer. Desperate to escape the pain, Dee decided to drown his sorrows with alcohol. With no hope left, Dee sat in his lonely apartment hiding in the shadows. As the city became dark, the only light visible from the moon illuminated silver tear drops that ceased to flow.  
  
In front of Dee was the present he hoped Ryo would accept. It was a symbol of his undying love for the black-eyed detective. It was a simple gold ring with an engraving on the inside: Dee + Ryo Body + Soul...  
  
/Though I   
  
I have messed up  
  
Better I should know  
  
So don't come round here  
  
And tell me I told you so.../  
  
As the city finally died down along with the traffic hours, midnight came and lured everyone into deep sleep. The only sound that broke the silence of the night was heavy breathing from too much heartache. There in the dark, the ring laid...untouched...  
  
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After Talk: Yippee!!!!  
  
Wow! That was a lot of work! I feel good, duh duh duh, I knew that I would! hehehehhe *^-^* 


	2. Chapter Two: The Power of Goodbye

Disclaimer:   
  
Darn! I STILL don't own FAKE...do you think Sanami Matoh would be a pal and lend me Dee and Ryo?   
  
Nor do I own these lyrcis either....I must be really untalented *^-^*  
  
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The Power of Goodbye  
  
by: Kit_Yang  
  
The city died down along with the traffic hours as midnight came and lured everyone into deep sleep. The only sound that broke the silence of the night was heavy breathing from too much heartache. There in the dark, the ring laid...untouched.  
  
Hours of endless silence swept by, only to be broken by the sun's early call. Morning soon arrived, driving away the moon's shield of light that brought forth dreams of hope and love. Not wanting to face the day, Dee and Ryo braced themselves for a day of heartache. Though both men were not ready to face one another, they were still partners...if only in crime.  
  
/Your heart is not open, so I must go  
  
The spell has been broken? I loved you so  
  
Freedom comes when you learn to let go  
  
Creation comes when you learn to say no/  
  
Exhausted from his sorrows, Dee Laytner headed to the bathroom and splashed cold water onto his face, hoping it would wake him up...and make him face reality. 'It doesn't matter anymore if he can't return my love...as long as he's still part of my life, I'll be more than happy...I'll be content. If I see him in the halls, I won't grab his hands...and when he smiles at me with love in his eyes, I won't kiss him or tell him I love him...I won't be selfish anymore...I won't force him to love me' thought Dee as new tears came to his eyes. As bitter tears rolled down his cheeks, Dee stared at his reflection and cursed himself for being weak and pathetic. Unable to control himself, Dee broke down and covered his face in shame, wondering how in the world he was going to get through the day.  
  
/You were my lesson I had to learn  
  
I was your fortress you had to burn  
  
Pain is a warning that something's wrong  
  
I pray to God that it won't be long/  
  
Randy McLean stared in the mirror of his dresser as he fought to fix his tie. With other things on his mind, Ryo kept messing up and decided to give up. 'I've gotta fix this mess with Dee...if I don't, I'm going to go nuts...' With a sigh of defeat, Ryo once again picked up the tie and started to loop it until he noticed it was Dee's tie. It was a navy blue tie with white zebra stripes that zig zagged from corner to corner. The tie was nothing special, but brought back valuable memories.  
  
With a smile on his face, Ryo remembered the day Dee took matters into his own hands and claimed him. It was also the day Ryo started to fall for his green-eyed partner.  
  
/There's nothing left to try  
  
There's no place left to hide  
  
There's no greater power than the power of goodbye/  
  
The two men had just come home from work, only to find Bikky gone and the apartment to themselves. Since it was summer, the heat was unbearable since Ryo's air conditioning was finally laid to rest. Poor thing, it overworked itself when winter came. Throwing their coats onto the couch, Dee and Ryo loosened their ties and unbutton their shirts a bit so they could actually breathe. Flustered from the heat, Dee thought Ryo was drop dead gorgeous. Since work, they've both been busy and didn't see eachother at all:Ryo with paper work and Dee with an annoying, but energetic JJ.   
  
'Come to think of it, I haven't gotten a kiss at all today...hmmmm...I wonder if that will work...hahahhaha of course it will, after all my Ryo is pretty dense.' Dee smirked, knowing victory was at hand.  
  
"Hey Ryo, look it...don't you think my tie is cool?" Dee asked as he pointed to his tie.  
  
"What's so cool about it?" Ryo asked bluntly.  
  
"It's a Magic Eye tie...got it especially from a catalog" Dee replied, hoping Ryo wouldn't hear the humor in his voice.  
  
"What's Magic Eye?"  
  
"You don't know what magic eye is? It's 3-D illusions! Haven't you seen any of the books? It's a page with bunches of colors on it, BUT! there's a hidden picture...cool huh?"  
  
"Wow! Really?! I wanna see!" Ryo asked enthusiastically.  
  
"Of course! but you gotta look closely" Dee replied in a smooth voice.  
  
"Where is it? I don't see anything" Ryo said disappointly.  
  
"Silly Ryo, you have to get closer" Dee whispered seductively.  
  
As Ryo leaned closer to Dee's tie trying to find the illusion, Dee closed the space between them and kissed Ryo with all his might. Clamping his mouth over the blonde's, Dee thrust his tongue into Ryo's mouth, tasting every corner. Ryo moaned as Dee continued to assault his mouth, while rocking his groin against Ryo's.  
  
After several minutes,the kiss finally ended. Two weak-kneed detectives held onto eachother as they struggled to regain their strength. Still in one another's arms, Dee grinned at a blushing Ryo.  
  
"Hmmmm....now that's what I call good teaching"  
  
"You lied! There was no illusion on your tie...you just did that so you could kiss me!" Ryo replied hotly.  
  
"Worked like a charm didn't it?" Dee said, causing Ryo to blush some more.  
  
"Let me tell ya what, how bout you keep the tie?...That way, YOU can be the one to show me some magic." With that, Dee grinned naughtily.  
  
Jerking awake from the past, Ryo put Dee's tie away and found one of his own. Finally succeeding at tying the rotten thing, Ryo looked at himself and struggled to breathe. 'I'm going to tell him I'm sorry...and that I love him' Ryo assured himself.  
  
/Your heart is not open, so I must go  
  
The spell has been broken? I loved you so  
  
You were my lesson I had to learn  
  
I was your fortress/  
  
Both men now arrived at the precinct, dreading the moment they would meet. Ryo was the first to arrive. Taking a deep breath, Ryo prayed for courage and stepped into the empty work room, only to find Dee absent. Disappointed, Ryo sat at his desk and tried his best to concentrate on his work. Ten minutes later, Dee came in. Hearing the door, Ryo looked up and caught his breath. There, standing in the doorway was Dee...his partner, his friend...with eyes that reflected pain...Ryo's thoughts were interrupted as Dee asked to talk to him in a more private place. With that said, Dee turned around and mentioned Ryo to follow him.  
  
/There's nothing left to lose  
  
There's no more heart to bruise  
  
There's no greater power than the power of goodbye/  
  
Following Dee to the break room, Ryo waited patiently as Dee closed the door. Dee stood facing the door, trying to compose himself. 'I'm going to tell him before I lose all courage' Dee thought to himself. Taking deep breaths, Dee turned around to face Ryo...one last time. Finally, the silence was broken as the dark-haired detective decided to finally let go.  
  
/Learn to say goodbye  
  
I yearn to say goodbye/  
  
Ryo started to tell Dee how he felt but was interrupted. Hearing Dee's melancholy voice, Ryo couldn't help but think his world was going to collapse from underneath him.  
  
"I'll stop....from now on, I promise to God I'll stop" Dee said sadly.  
  
"I swear to you that I won't push you around anymore...I'll finally let you go...I won't force you to love me anymore...."  
  
Trying to pull himself together, Dee forced himself to continue even though he was on the verge of tears.... "I'll be content to just be your friend...even if it kills me not to kiss you anymore or hold your hands....no matter how much it hurts for me to let you go, I'll be glad knowing that you're happy..."  
  
Not caring that he was crying, Dee finally ended his speech with: "I'll leave you alone...I'll give you up...So when you see me, don't smile at me with love in your eyes or give me false hope...don't hold my hands when I need comforting or embrace me when I'm in need...don't make me think that you love me when you don't" Dee finished shakingly.  
  
/There's nothing left to try  
  
There's no place left to hide  
  
There's no greater power than the power of goodbye/  
  
Wiping his tears, Dee tried to give Ryo a heart warming smile but failed. With a sigh of defeat, the raven-haired detective stepped outside the break room...away from the man who would've mad him happy.   
  
Tears cascading down his cheeks, Ryo trembled and collapsed onto his knees. Shocked at Dee's declaration, the blonde lost all feeling inside. 'He's giving up...he doesn't want me....he's not going to love me anymore' Ryo thought silently as quiet sobs rocked throughout his body, filling him with grief.  
  
/There's nothing left to lose  
  
There's no more heart to bruise  
  
There's no greater power than the power of goodbye/  
  
Silent sobs of sorrow echoed throughout the break room. Randy "Ryo" McLean sat on the floor unmoving, not caring whether he died right then and there. His tears continued to flow as a certain detective leaned against the door. Dee laid his head back and prayed to God a thousand times to help him get through this...and to help end all his pain...  
  
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Aftertalk: Whoa!  
  
Man, this is so freakin' sad...I'm sitting here crying my eyes out and cursing myself...Oh the pain!...sniff...anyways, I apologize if I made Dee and Ryo OOC....I guess they're going to stay that way, but it's all good.  
  
Anyways, thanks for reading and I hope you drop me some more reviews!*^-^* 


	3. Chapter Three: In the Arms of an Angel

Disclaimer:  
  
It's sad but true, I'm still a loser since I don't own Dee or Ryo...~o~  
  
Once again, I do not own these lyrics either.  
  
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In the arms of an Angel  
  
By: Kit_Yang  
  
Silent sobs of sorrow echoed throughout the break room. Randy "Ryo" McLean sat on the floor unmoving, not caring whether he died right then and there. His tears continued to flow as a certain detective leaned against the door. Dee laid his head back and prayed to God a thousand times to help him get through this...and to help end all his pain...  
  
The day went by slowly, until a day gradually turned into a week...as if time stood still and refused to go on. At long last, work was over for the day. It meant everyone could go home...home, where you cold find peace, solace, and comfort. A place where you could spend time with your family...a place where you gave love and was loved in return...  
  
/Spend all your time waiting for that second chance   
  
For the break that will make it ok  
  
There's always some reason to feel "not good enough"   
  
And it's hard at the end of the day/  
  
By the time Ryo gathered his things together, a storm slowly embraced the city. Black clouds of cumulus hovered above New York, creating a waterfall of rain, depicting the sadness that hid in Ryo's heart.  
  
'Has it been a week since Dee gave up on me? A week since he told me he was letting go?...a week since he stopped loving me? Ryo thought to himself.  
  
With no answers to ease his aching heart, Ryo walked in the rain to the subway. Feeling the cold rain touch his face, the blonde continued to walk...having not a care in the world.  
  
/I need some distraction, oh beautiful release   
  
Memories seep from my veins   
  
They may be empty and weightless, and maybe   
  
I'll find some peace tonight/  
  
'It's been only a week, and I miss him already' Dee thought as he drove down the street. Since work ended, the rain continued to fall...gradually becoming a bitter enemy that drowned everyone within. Slowly coming to a stop in front of the street lights, a flash of blonde caught his eye. Staring closely, Dee found it was Ryo...Ryo, the man he lo--  
  
Stopping himself in mid-thought, Dee closed his eyes and told himself:  
  
'No! I promised him....I promised I'd give up no matter how hard...I'm not gonna do this to him anymore' Dee tried to convince himself. Opening his eyes to seek out his beloved, Dee slowly drove to Ryo.  
  
'He might catch cold in this weather...what is he doing walking in the rain anyway? He's such an idiot...my idiot' the dark-haired detective thought silently as he felt a stab in the heart.  
  
/In the arms of an Angel, fly away from here   
  
From this dark, cold hotel room, and the endlessness that you fear   
  
You are pulled from the wreckage of your silent reverie   
  
You're in the arms of an Angel; may you find some comfort here/  
  
'The storm's getting worse...I wonder if it'll wash away the pain in my heart...' the black-eyed man thought to himself, as he continued walking. Trying to find even the smallest glint of hope, Ryo continued to be lost in his thoughts, not noticing Dee.  
  
Driving up to Ryo, Dee stared longly at him through his window.   
  
'He's so beautiful...just like an angel' Dee thought. After taking in the vision of Ryo, Dee finally found the strength to honk his horn. Distracted by the sound of a horn, Ryo looked to his right only to stare into the eyes of the man he loved most. Thousands of emotions flashed across Ryo's face as he tried to stay strong.   
  
/So tired of the straight line, and everywhere you turn   
  
There's vultures and thieves at your back   
  
The storm keeps on twisting, you keep on building the lies   
  
That you make up for all that you lack/   
  
'He said we're partners...nothing more...so then why?...why do I want him to take me into his arms and hold me? Why do I long for his kiss, his touch?' Ryo thought as pain came into his eyes.  
  
'All I want is to stare into those emerald eyes of his and become lost in them...that way, I'll be saved from all this'  
  
Dee's heart broke as Ryo stared at him sadly. 'Why does he do this to me?...why does he have that look of longing if he doesn't mean it? God Ryo, why do you torture me? don't do this to me...don't break me...'  
  
Setting aside his thoughts, Dee took a deep breath and said,"Come on...it's not healthy walking in this weather...'  
  
Nodding in agreement, Ryo opened the passenger door and sat down. Hearing the sound of the door close, Dee shifted his car in drive and headed to Ryo's apartment. The two men sat in silence as Dee continued driving, both fully aware of one another's presence.   
  
  
  
/It don't make no difference, escaping one last time   
  
It's easier to believe   
  
In this sweet madness, oh this glorious sadness   
  
That brings me to my knees/  
  
After a drive that seemed to take centuries, the two finally arrived at Ryo's apartment complex. Gathering himself together, Dee decided to accompany Ryo to his door. Staring at Ryo, Dee noticed he looked pale. Worried about his partner's health, Dee raised his hand to touch Ryo's forehead.  
  
"Seems you were lucky...you didn't catch a fever" Dee replied shakingly.  
  
At the sudden contact and familiar touch of Dee's hands, tears flowed down Ryo's cheeks. Without stopping, Ryo looked into Dee's eyes and wished the dark-haired man would take him into his arms.   
  
"Don't Ryo...don't do this to me..." Dee replied as he caressed Ryo's face lovingly.  
  
Wiping away tears, Dee pleaded: "Don't cry....please don't...you're breaking my heart...if you keep this up I won't be able to keep my promise."  
  
The only thing Ryo could do was continue to cry. Unable to bear the tear strickened face Ryo gave him, Dee gave in and kissed Ryo with all his love. As if there was no tomorrow, Dee wrapped his arms around Ryo and held him tight. Thrusting his tongue into Ryo's mouth, Dee poured his heart and soul into that kiss, silently telling Ryo how much he loved him.  
  
Breaking the kiss, Dee held Ryo at arms length and looked at him in anguish. Tears fell as he struggled to breathe.   
  
"I can't do this anymore...Ryo, if you keep doing this to me, I won't be able to keep my promise. I sweared, Ryo....I sweared that I wouldn't cause you anymore trouble, but it's getting harder and harder...I can't concentrate because of all the pain...I can't think because all my thoughts are filled of you...please, don't do this...don't make me think you love me when you don't...as you are doing now....don't look at me with those beautiful eyes...don't give me false hope..." Dee cried.  
  
/In the arms of an Angel, far away from here   
  
From this dark, cold hotel room, and the endlessness that you fear   
  
You are pulled from the wreckage of your silent reverie   
  
In the arms of an Angel; may you find some comfort here/  
  
Unable to say anymore, Dee turned and walked away hurriedly before Ryo could stop him. Once he got to his car, Dee leaned his head against the steering wheel and broke down. Tears of agony continued to flow, as time slowly stayed still.  
  
Meanwhile, still standing in the front of his door, Randy Ryo McLean remained paralyzed. Unable to move due to all the pain, the blonde-haired man cried non-stop. 'Nothing matters anymore....nothing' Ryo thought as his heart shattered to pieces.  
  
Hearing the melancholy sobs that echoed in the lonely corridors of the hall, Bikky opened the door. Greeted by the sight of his father figure crying, the boy rushed to Ryo and hugged him. "Oh Ryo..." Bikky replied crying. Embracing Ryo as tight as he could, the two remained motionless, except for the shaking of their bodies due to their endless sobbing...  
  
/In the arms of an Angel, fly away from here   
  
From this dark, cold hotel room, and the endlessness that you fear   
  
You are pulled from the wreckage of your silent reverie   
  
You're in the arms of an Angel; may you find some comfort here/  
  
Night fell once more, bringing everyone to quiet down among the streets. The traffic though, was as noisy as ever and didn't seem to cease. In the corner of a darkened room, a red glow could be seen. There, Dee sat, a cigarette in his mouth, a picture in his hands, and a trail of tears that could be seen.  
  
Next to him laid a couple bottles of beer, yet to be drunk. Staring at the picture lovingly, Dee thought to himself...'I'm sorry Ryo....I'm sorry....seems I didn't keep the promise I made you...please...forgive me...'  
  
Dropping the picture carelessly onto the floor, Dee laid his dead against the wall and started drinking, hoping the alcohol will help ease away his pain...  
  
There, the picture laid still next to a lighter. It was an old picture takened by Drake sometime ago. It was after Dee and Ryo successfully brought justice into a home in need. Grinning happily, Dee grabbed Ryo's hands, dragging the man over to Drake. Making a fuss, Ryo wondered what Dee was all excited about...after all, it was just another case they solved.  
  
"Which calls for celebration!" With that, Dee threw his arms around Ryo's shoulders, taking the man by surprised.  
  
/You're in the arms of an Angel; may you find some comfort here/  
  
The picture was by far a favorite of Dee's...it showed how happy the two men were back then...only now, it showed Dee...   
  
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Aftertalk: sniff...waaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Sniff...I'm so heart-broken! *~o~,*...please, someone stop me before I start crying all over the place....darn, I already am!!!!!! WAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!  
  
I hope you enjoyed it...sniff...and....and...I hope you drop me some more reviews....*~o~,* 


	4. Chapter Four: My Immortal

Disclaimer:  
  
Guys, I don't think Sanami Matoh will give me Dee and Ryo now, since I'm putting them through hell....It's not my fault, I couldn't help it, I swear! *~o~,*  
  
I don't own these lyrics either, for the fourth time *^-^*  
  
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My Immortal  
  
By: Kit_Yang  
  
The picture was by far a favorite of Dee's...it showed how happy the two men were back then...only now, it showed Dee...   
  
The remainder of the day slowly turned into night...a time where people could hide, and not have to worry about the next day. A time, where no one had to worry about their joys or sorrows. A time where everything stood still...  
  
/I'm so tired of being here  
  
suppressed by all my childish fears  
  
and if you have to leave/  
  
Surrounded by the comfort of his bedroom, Ryo sat on the edge of his bed...in his hand was the exact same picture Dee had. 'Funny, I was in this same situation a week ago...how'd things end up like this? how'd things become so messed up? Ne...Dee...do you think of me? Do you long for my kisses as much as I long for yours? Do you...still care?' Ryo thought sadily.  
  
'Is this what love really is? If so, then I'm afraid...if it's going to be this painful...if it's going to hurt this much, I'd want to give up...I'm not strong enough to deal with it...please Dee...save me' Without removing his gaze from his picture, Ryo sat alone in the warmth of his room, waiting for his savior to come.   
  
/I wish that you would just leave  
  
'cause your presence still lingers here  
  
and it won't leave me alone/  
  
Drowning down the last bottle of beer, Dee Laytner laid his head against the corner. Watching the shadows slowly rise from every corner of his apartment, the dark-haired man prayed for solitude. Feeling the alcohol take effect, luring him soon into deep sleep, a vision of Ryo appeared before Dee's eyes. As if he was seeing Ryo for the last time, Dee stretched his arms out to caress Ryo's cheek, not knowing it was just an illusion...an illusion he dreamed to help ease the pain in his heart.  
  
Touching the cheek lovingly, Dee poured his heart out and whispered, "Ni...Ryo...is it really you?...can you forgive me?...I know I promised...but it's just so hard...it's so hard not to touch you when you're near...it's so hard to get by...knowing you're so close and yet...so far away..."   
  
Unexpectedly, the tears Dee thought he had all cried out started to flow once more...blurring his vision of Ryo. As Ryo slowly disappeared from Dee's sight, the green-eyed detective closed his eyes and gave into the pain.   
  
'I'm losing him...he's going away...and he's taking my heart' Dee realized. Hoping he could forget his partner once and for all, the dark-haired detective laid in the dark, awaiting the arrival of one person...Ryo.  
  
/These wounds won't seem to heal  
  
This pain is just too real  
  
There's just too much that time cannot erase/  
  
"Why do you do this to yourself?" asked a girl quietly as she sat down beside Ryo. Wrapping her fragile arms around him, Carol laid her head on Ryo's chest and cried. Hearing the sad cries that echoed beside him, Ryo looked into Carol's eyes and replied tonelessly,"Nani?"  
  
"There's no need to punish yourself any longer..." tears dropping, Carol continued,"You don't need to deprive yourself of Dee's love anymore...you don't need to sit here and regret..." Carol continued weakly.  
  
"Carol..." Ryo softly replied.  
  
"He NEEDS you Ryo! and...YOU need him...I can see it everytime I look into your eyes...they're pleading for Dee to come to you...so please...don't do this to yourselves...Dee...Dee's suffering too..." With that, Carol closed her eyes in anguish.  
  
"Gomen Carol...I just...I don't know what to do anymore" Cried Ryo, hugging Carol to his chest. 'I don't know what to do...I don't know where to turn' Ryo thought silently. Witnessing the sadness that clouded Ryo's eyes, Carol hugged Ryo tighter, lending him some of her strength.   
  
Seeing his father and friend embracing each other for strength, Bikky felt his heart tear apart. Twice, he's had to comfort Ryo and assure him everything was going to be okay. Raised from the slums, Bikky wasn't one to show emotions, but for Ryo, he'd do anything. Unable to watch the two people he loved cry, Bikky's eyes watered as he approached them. Slowly walking to the edge of the bed, Bikky held them both and shared their pain. For the first time in his life, the boy felt no shame in showing his feelings.  
  
/When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears  
  
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears  
  
I held your hand through all of these years  
  
but you still have...all of me/  
  
The hour grew late, as the sky gradually became darker. One by one, stars came out to greet the city of New York. Wishing to see Carol off safely, Ryo strapped on his gun and decided to walk her home. The streets of New York were unsafe for a young girl, especially at night. After walking a couple of blocks, Ryo made sure Carol was at the front step of her home. Before going inside, Carol hoped Ryo would listen to his heart and told him so.  
  
"You know Ryo...people say that when you have nowhere else to turn, you should follow your heart. Even though it may seem hopeless and be hard, it's sure to get you somewhere...somehow, someway." Kissing his cheeks, Carol quietly went inside, ushering Ryo a 'goodnight'.  
  
Thinking about Carol's advice, Ryo couldn't help but hope everything would turn out alright. Wanting to clear his head, Ryo started walking...to where? he had no clue. He hoped his legs would carry him anywhere...anywhere but home, where Dee wasn't there. Unexpectedly, Ryo arrived at the park where he shared his first kiss with Dee. Reminscing the past, Ryo stood still...lost in time.  
  
  
  
/You used to captivate me  
  
by your resonating life  
  
now I'm bound by the life you left behind/  
  
He remembered they had just escaped from bombing the Fieldman residence. Seems like Dee and Bikky were confined in a room underneath the attic where Ryo planted a bomb. After running and shooting at whoever got in their way, the three were surrounded in front of the house. Like the typical fun guy Dee was, the man pulled out a his "trigger" of a pen and threatened to bomb the house.  
  
'Just like him, to rush into action without thinking first' Ryo smiled sadly.  
  
True to his words, the house blew up, catching the attention of New York's 27th precinct. Not wanting to be yelled by the chief, Dee took Ryo's arm and dragged him into the park. There, on the spot between the trees was the first time Dee kissed Ryo. It was a warm kiss that filled Ryo's body with love. It became a kiss Ryo never forgot. Lost in his thoughts, Ryo didn't notice when a certain someone approached him.  
  
/Your face it haunts  
  
my once pleasant dreams  
  
Your voice it chased away  
  
all the sanity in me/  
  
"It's awful late for you to be out, don't you think detective McLean?"  
  
The familiar voice took Ryo by surprise. He turned around to find none other than Dee's mother. In her arms were a couple of kid books. They weren't old, nor were they new. Ryo was shocked to see a book among the ones Mother held. It was a book of fairy tales he used to read, filled with stories of wizards and sorceresses, knights and evil dragons, but most of all...love.  
  
Tearing his gaze from the books, Ryo asked mother,"What are YOU doing out this late? Dee would have a heart attack if he knew you were out this late."  
  
"I won't be the only person he'd be worried about" Mother replied with a smile. Seeing the the hurt expression on Ryo's face, Mother comforted Ryo by reaching an arm out and touching him on the arm. With a simple gesture, she turned to leave.  
  
Not wanting Mother to run into trouble, Ryo assisted mother in carrying her books and escorting her to the safety of the orphanage. Finally, arriving at the doorstep, Ryo handed the books back to Mother. With a tender smile, Mother caressed Ryo's cheek with one hand and ushered him the same words she gave him some time ago.  
  
"I'm not the type to judge. If two people need eachother, then it doesn't matter if they're both men or women. Discover what feels right to your heart for yourself. And when you do, then share those feelings with Dee." With a kiss on his cheek, Mother thanked Ryo and went inside.  
  
/These wounds won't seem to heal  
  
This pain is just too real  
  
There's just too much that time cannot erase/  
  
Watching her leave, Ryo's eyes watered as Mother's words touched his heart. 'Discover what feels right to your heart for yourself'...  
  
'It's not that easy' thought Ryo. Unsure of what else he should do, Ryo started walking once more, to a destination unknown.  
  
Not knowing where he was headed, Ryo ended up at Dee's apartment. Staring outside the building, Ryo thought it was dark and silent. As if he was afraid the empty complex would swallow him, Ryo remained still as he fought about what he should do. Forcing himself to enter the building and climbing the steps that led to Dee, Ryo continued with a heavy heart. 'I'm going to see him...and when I do, I'll beg for his forgiveness...I'll tell him I love him...that I never stopped these past 2 years...that I never will...even if he doesn't want me back...'   
  
/When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears  
  
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears  
  
I held your hand through all of these years  
  
but you still have...all of me/  
  
Knocking on Dee's door, Ryo wasn't surprised there wasn't an answer. After all he put Dee through, he was sure Dee wouldn't want to be bothered. Knocking a couple more times, Ryo turned the knob only to find the door was unlocked. Afraid that Dee may be in trouble, Ryo called his name out, only to receive no answer. Stepping into the silent apartment, Ryo took out his gun and searched every dark corner until his gun pointed at Dee. The blonde's heart skipped as he saw his partner resting against the wall.  
  
Taking in the sight of his beloved, Ryo walked over and sat in front of Dee: one hand holding the gun and the other touching Dee's midnight locks. Noticing the dried tear marks on Dee's face, Ryo whispered half-heartedly, "Thank God you're okay...gomen Dee, I've put you through hell...you never did anything wrong...it was me...will you forgive me?" Ryo thought shakeningly as he saw pain reflect on Dee's face.  
  
Deep in his dreams, Dee was dragged out from his drunken sleep by a voice he longed to hear. It was a voice that drove him insane...a voice that would not leave him alone, no matter how much he begged. Following it, Dee left his dreams behind and opened his eyes. Tears fell from them as he saw Ryo again.  
  
Slowly, Dee grabbed Ryo by the shoulders and held him in a tight grip. Drowning at the sight of the black-eyed man, Dee started to cry as he touched Ryo's lovely face.  
  
"Ryo?...are you really here?...why?...ni, Ryo...why do you come here?...Do you do it deliberatly?...does it make you happy to see me fall to pieces?...or do you want my soul?...if so, then take it..." Dee said as he grabbed Ryo's pistol-held hand and aimed it to his heart.  
  
/I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone  
  
but though you're still with me  
  
I've been alone all along/  
  
Trying to control himself, Dee poured his whole heart out.  
  
"Go ahead...if it's you, I don't care...at least you'll be the one freeing me from all this suffering...do you know what it feels like Ryo?...to be alive and dead at the same time?...to be awake and yet asleep?...it's too much...I'm not that strong...heh...my heart is getting weaker this minute."  
  
Panicking, Ryo tried to remove his arm only to have it held tighter. Shaking his head back and forth, Ryo frantically struggled to free his arm from Dee's tight grip.  
  
"Ni...Dee...let go..." Ryo cried.  
  
"Pull the trigger Ryo...I can't take it anymore..." Dee stared Ryo with hopeless eyes, hoping the blonde man would end everything once and for all.  
  
"I'm so tired...I'm so tired of all this...I can't sleep, I can't think 'cuz all I think about is you...and here you are, driving me crazy...if you don't love me, leave alone...why TOY with me?!!!!  
  
/When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears  
  
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears  
  
I held your hand through all of these years  
  
but you still have...all of me/  
  
Without giving a chance to reply, Dee pulled Ryo into his arms as sobs shook his body. "If death feels like this, then I don't want to endure it...help me end all this pain...hurry up and do it before I lose control and make you hate me even more...hurry before I bleed my heart out before you...if you won't do it, then please,just this once...won't you let me hold you one last time...let me kiss you one last time...let me love you one last time...let me be with you one...last...time...that way, I'll be able to let go..." Dee sobbed brokenly as he fell into deep sleep.   
  
Falling onto Ryo's chest, Dee gave in to exhaustion. 'How did we end up like this?...how?...' Crying uncontrollably, Ryo hugged Dee to his chest and gave in to his tears.  
  
"Gomen Dee! gomen...aishite iru! aishite iru Dee, do you hear me?" Ryo cried rocking Dee back and forth in his arms. "I'll say it as many times as you want to hear it! I'll tell you everyday at work...or when we eat dinner...or when we're together...I'll even tell you when you're being obnoxious and annoying...I'll never have you doubt my love again...Ni...Dee?...do you hear me? aishite iru, aishite iru, aishite iru...." Ryo continued to chant as his voice gradually faded.  
  
Sobs continued to be heard throughout the empty apartment as Randy "Ryo" McLean held Dee lovingly in his arms. Shaking from emotion, Ryo held on tight...as if he was never going to let go.  
  
/you still have...all of me/  
  
Morning brought forth rays of light that chased away shadows of the night. Opening his swollen eyes, Dee woke up...only to be greeted with a warm loving smile, and eyes that always seemed to captivate him.  
  
"Aishite iru, Dee...aishite iru..."  
  
Tears of joy fell as Dee and Ryo embraced eachother. Finally, the two found love and happiness in the comfort of one another's arms...  
  
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Aftertalk: *^-^*  
  
I'm so proud of myself! Another chapter finished, and I'm actually not crying! Wow, you guys are good! Some of ya'll actually read my mind... I'm sorry if I put all of ya through hell, but I thought to myself, Hey, if "I" have to suffer writing it, then "YOU" guys should suffer reading it! HEH HEH...anyways I'm debating whether I should write one more chapter, kinda like an epilogue or just keep this ending...what do you guys think?  
  
Once again, for the fourth time, ARIGATOU for reading, reviewing, and being such great sports! +*^o^*+ Here's a BIG hug from me! 


	5. Epilogue: Tears in Heaven

Disclaimer:   
  
Well, I have finally given up on Dee and Ryo...sad, ni?  
  
I don't own these lyrics either!  
  
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Epilogue: Tears in Heaven  
  
By: Kit_Yang  
  
"Aishite iru, Dee...aishite iru..."  
  
Tears of joy fell as Dee and Ryo embraced eachother. Finally, the two found love and happiness in the comfort of one another's arms...  
  
/Would you know my name if I saw you in Heaven?  
  
Would it be the same if I saw you in Heaven?/  
  
Holding Ryo next to his heart, Dee started to pray that this moment would last forever.   
  
"Ni, Ryo?...is this a dream? If so, please...let it last. Let time stay still and let me savor every minute of it..." Dee said quietly as he continued to hold Ryo in his arms. Unable to stop the flow of tears, Dee continued...  
  
"So, this must be what heaven is like...to love be loved in return. It fills me with joy that I am loved by an angel." Dee said as more tears flowed.  
  
"It makes me happy that you found me worthy of giving me your heart" Dee studdered. "If I died right now, I'd be happy...I'd died happy knowing you love me...knowing it was enough."  
  
Hearing the emotion in Dee's voice, Ryo's heart started to break as he heard the pain in Dee's voice. Hugging Dee tighter, Ryo continued to lay against Dee's heart, crying.  
  
/I must be strong and carry on  
  
Cause I know I don't belong...here in heaven/  
  
"You're my heart Ryo...did you know that?...You fill me with joy and happiness...I'm glad I waited for you. Life before was dark and dull...it meant nothing to me."  
  
Clenching Ryo tighter to him, Dee continued sadly.  
  
"I lived life as a gamble, waiting for death to come. And then, YOU came...and made me see everything differently. You became my strength, my God...my savior."  
  
/Would you hold my hand,if I saw you in heaven?  
  
Would you help me stand,if I saw you in heaven?/  
  
"Remember when we first me?" Dee asked Ryo.  
  
"Hai..." Ryo replied softly.  
  
"I thought you were beautiful then...you still are...I looked into your eyes and fell in love. I thought to myself: 'This is the man...this is the man I have been waiting for...I'll make myself worthy and earn his love'...and so for two whole years, I did just that" Dee said with a sad smile.  
  
/I'll find my way through night and day  
  
Cause I know I just can't stay...here in heaven/  
  
"No matter what you put me through, I thought it didn't matter since you were worth it...you still are."   
  
Clenching his fist in Dee's shirt, Ryo started crying harder. 'How could I put him through this?...no Dee, it's you I don't deserve...'  
  
"Gomen...Dee...gomen..." Ryo cried. "I'm sorry about everything...I lied...I lied when I said I didn't love you...I have always been in love with you and I never stopped...I was just afraid of everything. I was afraid to trust you and give you my heart. I'm such a fool...I don't deserve you...I should've never came..."  
  
Hearing the doubt in Ryo's voice, Dee continued to hold Ryo in his arms, his heart breaking. Here he was, finally with the man he loved. The man he tried so hard to push him away. The man he tried so hard not to love. After all they've been through, his beloved was starting to doubt them. 'No more' thought Dee, 'there's no more time for regrets. It's either now or never. He either loves me enough or he doesn't.'  
  
/Time can bring you down  
  
Time can bend your knees/  
  
Bracing himself for more heartache, Dee said softly,"No more regrets Ryo. If you're going to doubt yourself now, just go...I don't have any pieces left of my heart for you to break. If you think..." trying to catch his breath as tears overflowed.  
  
"If you think you don't deserve happiness, then I'll slowly...let you go..." trying to steel his heart against the pain that ate at him.  
  
Hearing Dee's words broke Ryo's heart. They were going back to square one, and after all they've been through. This couldn't be happening...this couldn't happen again. 'Why do I always end up hurting him?' Ryo thought silently.   
  
/Time can break your heart  
  
Have you beggin'please... beggin'please/  
  
Waiting for Ryo's answer, Dee prayed to God as tears came to his eyes. 'If I let him go, promise me...promise you'll keep him happy. Promise me you'll let him find the one he loves, even if it's not me...Promise me that you'll bless him with a life that's not filled with pain...."   
  
/Beyond the door, there's peace for sure  
  
and I know there'll be no more..tears in heaven.  
  
'As for me...I don't want anything...all I want is for my Ryo to be happy. I'll just love him from afar...If I see him holding hands with someone, I'll smile...If I see him kissing someone, I'll smile...If I see him love someone...I'll smile...' Dee prayed, struggling to breathe.  
  
'And if he tells me he's fallen in love with someone else, I'll smile and congratulate him even if it breaks my heart' Dee finished as he started shaking uncontrollably.  
  
/Would you know my name if I saw you in Heaven?  
  
Would it be the same if I saw you in Heaven?/  
  
"Ni Ryo...what do you want? I love you...but it's up to you now..." Dee cried.  
  
Reaching up to touch Dee's tear streakened face, Ryo replied:  
  
/I must be strong and carry on  
  
Cause I know I don't belong...here in heaven/  
  
"I WANT you" Ryo said bravely. Showing Dee his hand. On Ryo's left ring finger, was Dee's golden ring. Last night after Dee collapsed, Ryo held him, rocking back and forth. After he finished crying, Ryo held Dee and got up to put him in bed. Laying Dee on his bed, Ryo decided to clean the empty bottles of beer cans that laid empty and scattered on the floor. Entering the living room, a gold gleam caught his attention. Approaching it, Ryo's eyes watered as he held the simple gold band in his hand. Dee + Ryo...Body + Soul. Clutching it in his fist, Ryo held it tight to his heart and started to cry.   
  
/Cause I know I don't belong here in heaven/  
  
Giving Dee a heart breaking smile, Ryo repeated:  
  
"I WANT you Dee...now and forever...body and soul..." Ryo continued crying. With a cry, Dee once again held Ryo in his arms, rejoicing that he had Ryo's heart, body, and soul...   
  
The End  
  
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Aftertalk: Whoa MAMA!  
  
This is so damn sad! I hate myself! I don't know why I keep doing this to myself...waaahhhhh!!!!!! But it's finallly over! Dee and Ryo won't have to suffer anymore....*~o~,*....I need a hug....+~o~+ 


End file.
